Caught Between Church and School (for Youth Leaders/Workers)

“Busy sa Academics pero sa church hindi” . I think we should stop making our young people choose between church activities and school. I mean it. This is for anyone working with the young people, from a former young person shaped by the church and the schools. 

 I love studying, or maybe the idea of it. I loved going to school and I feel like I enjoyed the environment where I can always get some new information, exchange Ideas and to some degree, be transformed by them. When I was younger though, I couldn’t wait for ‘studying’ to finally be over. There was one moment in high school when I got so overwhelmed and frustrated after I realized I still have years and years after until I finish college. Little did I know studying DOES NOT end in college. 

I love going to church too, and doing ‘church things’. When I was younger, I was active in the youth group. As I grew in my Christian life, I realized that my Christianity should not just be exclusively expressed in ‘Christian activities’. To a certain degree, I was transformed by that thought. One day, I picked up a book in my Tatay’s bookshelf that had the title “NOT JUST ON SUNDAYS”. It talked about how we should bring our Christ-like attitude everywhere. 

 Back then, school was never a competition for church. In fact, I came to believe that school was the overflow where my Christlikeness can be observed by others. Most times I failed, of course. 

So, it appalls me every now and then to read on my FB feed posts like “Busy sa Academics pero sa church Hindi” or something to that effect that creates a dividing line between the secular and the spiritual life!

I understand that the academic pressures are different now than then. And maybe, we see less of our young people in the church now because they have stuff to do for school. I also understand that that is frustrating for pastors. But, instead of throwing statements that make them guilty, why don’t we strategize? Adapt! Youth Fellowship does not have to be on Sundays if it means our teens can’t attend. Its not in the Bible to always do it on Sundays! Heck, YF is not even in the Bible! On that note, maybe we should also dig deeper why we are doing other activities. Are they serving purposes that enable our young people to grow and be more like Christ or… they’re merely handed down activities for generations? It’s time to deconstruct.

Here. Teach them to grow in the word! That’s the major thing! Major on the majors, the trappings are always optional. But, here’s another thing, Academics is as much an avenue where you can reflect the love and grace of Christ as Sunday school, or the youth fellowship or the outreach. In fact, at certain stages in our lives, God calls us to do something. I believe, when our teenagers are in school, that is where God is calling them. And they should be faithful in their studies as much as they are faithful in memorizing the assigned verses in youth group. 

Dear youth leaders, please dont slack in your academics and be active in church. That is bad testimony. Heaven doesn’t give you a point for missing a class to do something ‘for the ministry’. Trust me, it does not look so Christ-like for you to miss half of your class for the week and be leading the worship on Sunday! Imagine if your teacher was in your church! (When I was working in the Bible college, we discouraged students from missing classes just because they had to attend the ‘youth rally’. In fact, one of the youth leaders had to make compromises in his schedule because we made him understand that for that season, God’s calling for him was to be a Bible Student, to be fully prepared for the ministry. He got it!)

And dear young person, if you are in school, do all you can to maximize the faculties God has given you! You brains should not be slightly used —exercise it! Your enthusiasm for Discipleship Group meeting should be the same as when you do group work in class! You should be able to memorize the periodic table without grudging the way you memorize the books in the Bible! You should be excited for the opportunity to go to school the way you are excited for the freedom to go to church. You are called to be God’s light in the campus you are in. Shine! 

I don't want you to think that the temporal is better than the spiritual. What I am trying to say is that when we are falsely emphasizing attendance in activities as the only avenue of their expression of faith, then we are stunting their spiritual growth. And when we get them divided over church activities and school responsibilities, then we are unconsciously basting them with the idea that God is not interested in their lives outside of church. That's dangerous. 

The youth ministry is pivotal in the life of every young person. I admire every youth worker I know who stick to Biblical truths yet evolve in their strategy to get to the heart of every kid. I pray, as people ministering to the young people, that we erase the diving line between what’s worldly and what’s spiritual and see our every effort AS TO  the Divine. Only then can we raise a generation who is conscious of bringing Christ to the world —their world, their future, where we will not be in.

Our posts will not transform them. And I do not expect this to transform you as well. But, maybe to a certain degree (as much as you hope your post would do to them), it will prick us somewhere and, make us bruise a little, and then move us to start making changes for the better. 

Me at 38, loving the school and the church at the same time. 

My Thoughts about Banished

Opening a book to read is like swinging a door open. Each book I read leads me to a room where the author creates a certain environment by stringing words together. Some rooms, I like to stay a while and then leave. Some rooms I kept visiting. Some rooms, I decided, I’d never enter again. And then, there are rooms in my shelf that are still waiting to be opened. 

When I got my hands on Banished, I knew the kind of room I was getting into before I even started reading it. Pastor Joshua has a way of making me uncomfortable when reading his work. Somehow, as in the books he wrote in the past, he makes me rethink my life and my witness. Halfway into banished, he did not disappoint. I was right.

In Banished, Pastor Joshua takes us back to the events surrounding the birth of Jesus and helps us look at it with the lens of the present time. In my opinion, the west has sanitized our image of Christmas that it is almost easy to overlook how scandalous the circumstances were, just as disgusting as the stories we have in the present day. He then seamlessly brings us to look at Jesus’ life and teachings in contrast to how we, the church, live it today. Are we "walking the talk" of the sermon on the mount? To answer, read the book. 

As a student of the Bible, Banished sparked an excitement in me as I savored the author’s own take of the scriptures, the snippets of history he dashed here and there, the laborious research he put into his work --- it was compelling! 

As a Christian involved in ministry, he rattled my convenient way of ministering. Suddenly, I am thrown into a puddle of information, opening my eyes even more keenly on the plight of the OFW, the struggles of those in the margins, and  the unbridgeable gap between the Lazaruses and the Rich Men of today’s world. In one of those pages, I came to the realization that many of the theories we teach in missions, in the Bible Schools, or those we even observe from ministers ahead of us in the field, are no longer applicable in the age we live in. Many of our strategies are coated with agenda.  Pastor Joshua writes “Authenticity and integrity are the key to transformative evangelism and discipleship.”  He talks extensively of humility as an integral virtue in the ministry --- something many, I observed, have dispensed of in exchange of militant, aggressive, number-driven Christianity.

As an adult finding my place in the world, a new sense of adventure  was planted in me in the last few chapters of Banished. The author talks about living our witness in public spaces, understanding first the perception of those outside the Christian tradition. We often fault ourselves in gagging those outside the ‘faith’ with Bible verses and doomsday revelations, instead of listening to them – finding out where they’re at, and taking them along in the journey of knowing Jesus.

Pastor Joshua concluded the last chapter with a voice of hope. I closed the book, my thoughts still easing through the discomfort of knowing that my actions as a Christ-follower have not always been in congruence with my talk. I am plagued with questions.  I just left a room that made me uncomfortable. But, like many who met Jesus – along dusty roads and polished palaces, in sinking boats and atop feeble tree branches --- discomfort is the way to discovering the truth; to live in perpetual discomfort of the mind, the heart and the body, until you come to the resolve that Jesus is truly, truly, the only One that satisfies them all.

Get the book. Get into that room. Get uncomfortable.

Book is available through Central Logos https://www.facebook.com/centralogosofficial . 

Bad Decisions (I'm Decaffeinating, again!)

I love coffee. But many a night, I found myself saying "I shouldn't have had that second cup!"

The most horrible thing about our bad decisions is, we were present when we made them. And that is haunting. (And Palpitating!) Sometimes they cannot be undone, but we are always redeemable from it. (Ehem, Gaviscon!) It takes God's grace to get us out of it, and right decisions to keep us away from it. When we fall into the trap of always spiritualizing things, we refuse to take  responsibility of our participation in our bad decisions. And so, the cycle continues. 

As I deal with work backlogs, for example,  I am confronted with the fact of my chronic procrastination. I get flashbacks of the many times I wasted an opportunity  to work. And then I begin to think about all the other parts of my life that are leaking with inefficiency and chaos. But, if I refuse to acknowledge these things, or say it was someone else's  job, or worse, blame this on the pandemic, I have missed an opportunity for growth. Spiritually and Professionally. If I say the devil is making me procrastinate, he will laugh!

When we experience abuses, for example, we can not say no one was responsible for it. While God does make something good out of what others meant for evil, it does not justify  the evil. Our spiritual understanding saves us from going crazy over its effects; insisting on human responsibility puts a stop to the abuse. Our flawed understanding of  man's volition and God's will most times keeps us from making the necessary decisions that will change our lives. Or that of others. But indecision is ALSO a decision. 

Treading into this new decade of adulthood, I welcome these pauses where I get the opportunities to learn from bad decisions either of myself or others. And learning is measured by the outcome.  I hope someday when I come back to this post and put myself against the scale, I would find that I attended lesser bad decisions. 

Let's start by getting off coffee. Shocking, I know! 

Acid reflux: 

Gaviscon: 

Kapehan: Luh! 

💛

#FortyForward

Slow Growth is Still Growth

While I do not undermine the effects of the virus to every aspect of society, I am thankful for how it has created an opportunity for me to discover what really matters to me, test out my own limits in different areas, and build habits that hopefully, will be beneficial to me moving forward. I have mined a wealth of encouragement from doing something regularly and getting results. Albeit not 'astounding', the effects of little changes in our lifestyle do make a difference.

We can no longer leave it to 'nature' to shape us. The world has 'genetically modified' everything. Our body, mind and spirit has to be intentionally nurtured in order for us to relish the life God has given us. And I believe, it is never too late to make that first step to doing something about what you would want to change. 

I learned from someone that it is systems that bring results. Goals may help but oftentimes, when we don't reach them, we become frustrated. However,  when we create systems in whatever aspect of our lives, we see our progress little by little.

Those who know me can testify that consistency is not my strength. Variation is. But, as I unfold the wonder of creating systems, I found out I don't have to beat myself about being inconsistent. 

I've been  exercising  regularly since March. This is my longest streak so far. Years ago, I had episodes of running that went for about a month, followed by a thousand excuses. Hahaha! 

I am struggling to count my calories. It helped me shed some weight before, so I'm trying to incorporate that in my eating habits again. 

I tried eating mostly plant-based meals for 3 weeks. "Mostly" because what's a pizza without cheese, right? But I learned a dozen recipes that made me love eating plant based food. 

I have practiced sifting my thoughts. Philippians 4:8 on repeat. 

Have I mastered these habits? Definitely not! 

Some days  I excitedly play a 30-minute work-out on Youtube but when the first sweat breaks, I decide I'm good for the day! Hahaha! But I happily show  the single 'dent' in my abs that I believe is the result of my standing abs exercises. Take note, SINGLE! I had to force my sister to 'see'it. Yes I still have tummy rolls. :D 

I overeat and credit it to cheat days. Sometimes cheat dayssss.

For breakfast this morning I ate hotdogs and eggs. First processed meats after almost a month of clean eating. 

There are talks and rumors, fears and anxious thoughts that surround me everyday. Sometimes, I slip a crisp "What the FUDGE?!" I still want to break dishes sometimes when I wash them.

But I have learned to be kinder to myself because that is how God shows his love to me every single day. When the sun rises, I know I have another shot at becoming better than yesterday. When it comes to self-transformation (mind, body and spirit), you can never run out of chances. For.As.Long.As.You. Live. Other people may give up on you, but you owe it to yourself, and to your Creator most importantly, to keep growing ---because everything we need for growth is right inside of us. 

Get up. Wiggle if you must, but get up! 

Do something productive. Stop if you must, but never go three days without doing it.(this has been life changing for me). Whether it is exercising, calorie counting, eating right, get back on track. You can. 

Whatever works for you, do it! 

Don't forget to enjoy watching yourself grow. Slow growth is still growth. :) 

My Meatless Meals 

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Trusting God with Our Stories

"I could live life alone

And never fill the longings of my heart

The healing warmth of someone's arms

And I could live without dreams

And never know the thrill of what could be

With every star so far and out of reach

I could live without many things

And I could carry on..." --- Avalon

This is how my life song starts. I embraced it as I entered the last decade. I was at a place of uncertainty, but with an overarching excitement at what God was going to do in my life. I had just committed my life to full-time ministry, specifically to be a cross-cultural missionary, and while the future was unsure, I was confident that it was what God was telling me to do. 

Fast forward to the end of the decade, it was not exactly what I thought life would be for me. God, the Grandweaver of my life, had a different design in mind. I thought a recap was in order. However, once I started writing these 'events' in my life one by one, they seemed to be separate from the other. At times, the things God made me do were completely at other ends of the pendulum. So I decided, maybe I would just write about where I am at now as we enter a new decade in my journey. 

2020

Here I am, in the cool of the evening, just a little past midnight, typing this post with ink stains on my fingers from writing case digests with cheap fountain pens. Sprawling on my bed are books, notes and more pens. I study in the evenings. 

During the day, I cross a bridge to the place where I sit on a desk, respond to emails, queries, print documents, answer the phone and basically do the rigodon of a secretary. On special days, I am the registrar. I call myself the #EverydayMamumugon. 

On weekends I pack my bags and head back to my hometown beside the sea, lounge in my mother's living room, get coffee, go to church, and blink. And then, it is Monday again. 

But, I don't ever remember telling myself  "Hay, Monday na naman!".  And you will see why. 

The way I describe it, it seems like my life is pretty uninteresting --- a contrast to what I had imagined it to be in 2010. But truth is, for countless times, I have caught myself at a loss for words at how God had tweaked my story.

I have been to places I have never imagined I could be in. I haven't set foot in West Africa yet, but...but..this decade, we will never know. 

I have been on stages and pulpits I feel so unworthy of. I sometimes laugh at how God takes me from a classroom of  seven sleepy students to a hall of a thousand (or even more) young people packed with adrenaline. Whether it be the classroom or the auditorium, I see lives hungry for God. 

I have been to hills of victory and valleys of pain. I tried fighting wounded. It only revealed to me that God's character never changes. For every win - a milestone. For every pain - a growth point. 

I have been to committee meetings and coffee breaks where I met people who, I would have never met had I not allowed God to let me be  like water in his plans --- flowing to where He cuts a path. The coffee chats are more enjoyable. Memorable, even. 

I have been to classrooms and bar rooms. They're all the same --- filled with drunk men, intoxicated by intellect, who throw statements that don't make sense. But, the teachers and the bar tenders -- they... they can spin good in every tragedy. 

I have been to chaos where demands grab you by the hand. But, in the midst of those were springs of joy where God invited me to freely drink. 

I have been to a place called Love. One that gives selflessly for the sake of another. One that is not held captive by feelings but liberated by truth. Truth most times is hard to swallow. But, that is how you know you have been to a place called Love. I have been to one. 

I have been to a place called Surrender. And it did not feel comforting. But oh the taste of liberty, refreshing to the soul!

 I tried writing the things God has been surprising me with. Each of them outdoes the other. I mean, does God ever run out of ideas? My stomach is churning with excitement at the possibilities of the outrageous things I ask the Lord to do. This decade will definitely outdo the last. 

In all my wanting and believing for the big things God will do, my heart still quietly sings to me the  part of my lifesong that says

"I couldn't face my life tomorrow 

Without your hope in my heart I know

I can't live a day without You

Lord, there's no night and there's no morning

Without Your loving arms to hold me

You're the heartbeat of all I do

I can't live a day without You" ---Avalon

If all the things I hope for will vanish in the wind, Jesus is enough for me. Here's to another decade of trusting God for a beautiful story. 

 January 4, 2020
(I should do a post on why January 4 is significant to me through the years. hehehe! ) 

Helpless

I wonder what it is with September that I always get the urge to write. Like a buzzer, or a vibrating alert, I often find myself checking my blogs in September and panic at the fact that for the months that went by, I have been silent.

I have not been truly silent, of course. I have rekindled my love for journalling. Not like it really went away. My entries have been frequent. I felt that my thoughts are safer there and free of any judgement. 

An opportunity to speak to the community at CPU came to me again, giving me an avenue to declare the encompassing love of God to all. Last month was quite eventful. I anticipate the coming month to be even more eventful with the semestral examinations in Law school, weddings to attend and the ending of another semester here in the Bible College. While the weight of what is to come seems already heavy to think about, I rest in the promise that God will help me overcome. I have to rest, lest I cower. 

On a more personal note, the past couple of months have been quite interesting. I went through (and I think I still am in ) a season of undoing. I met a few people that put me in a very uncomfortable situation. The good kind of uncomfortable, that is. 

While I would like to reserve the details to myself, this is what I am willing to share: In the many years that I am a Christian, there have been milestones where I mark a certain growth point. Usually, it was via a heartbreaking situation. However, this one was not. I was just caught off guard, like God grabbed me by the hand and said "We need to talk!" One night, I found myself crying before the Lord because he impressed upon my heart that I have not been trusting Him about many things in my life --- especially the matters which are important to me. 

I felt I was being un-clothed. I was very vulnerable. I felt naked before God. And I saw how, all these years, I have been grinding on my own... as if I can handle things naturally. I realized I held tightly to my pride, that I do not intentionally ask the Lord for the things I desire because I do not like the feeling of wanting somethign or someone so much. I have life a linear life when it comes to asking God. My thought pattern was this: I want 'this', If God wants it for me, he will give it. If not, I will not bother. 

But how in the world do I experience the Joy of Asking and actually receiving? I have not. Because I asked not. Asking, like begging, is a sign that one is in lack of something. I never liked the thought of asking, much less begging. 

And that is how I found out my faith was problematic. Because I wanted something/someone and under the 'normal' circumstances I operate in, there is no way, NO WAY, I will ever experience the joy of having that desire satisfied. And upon realizing my complete helplessness, I turned to God.

However, it was not the 'wanting' that churned my spirit. It was the discomfort that I do not truly know God and therefore have not truly trusted Him with even the little details of my life. It was devastating to watch everything 'i have built' in my spiritual life deconstruct, like chaff, they disappeared. I had nothing to hold on to. No spiritual life to be proud of. 

And at the point of surrender, I crumbled. 

Oh what relief it is to be rid of yourself, be broken down and wait... wait for the Master to pick you up, piece by piece, to be put together in the way He had always had in mind about you. 

Scroll Down (The Fight is Not Between Us)

One of my Facebook friends posted that he voted for the controversial politician who won a seat in the Senate. To that he added the virtue of being united in 'faith', in effect, telling whoever gets to read it, "My religion is powerful." Educated. Professional. Religious.

I scrolled down.

Many times when I read the rants on Facebook or Twitter of friends who suffer through the heavy traffic on their daily commute, I shake my head. I live in the campus where I work, in a city where everything is 10 minutes away - 40, when it is the holidays. I could only imagine how they feel.

I scroll down.

Today, on Twitter, a tax reform 'advocate' reacted when I made a comment that "Tag dise-syete na ang sardinas." He/she asked why I was more worried about the the price of sardines when I should be "tired about the low productivity due to traffic, hindered creative jobs because of lack of infrastructures". He/she suggested I should just cooperate and support the government's #BuildBuildBuild. Have I not been compelled to do so, thus, the 17-peso sardines?

I said a line or two. I scrolled down.

Someone posted online "It's just politics." Saying to the effect that we should not let it ruin our relationships. I agree on letting love rule in our relationships. But I definitely disagree that "It is just Politics." Our politics is a reflection of what we value, what we believe in, and what we want for the future of our children. I started writing it down as a comment to that post. However, it was my mother who posted it, and lest I be misjudged by online spectators as a rebellious, disrespectful child for not agreeing with my mother, I desisted.

I scrolled down.

We are judged by what we put online. That's the risk we take when we post our thoughts, or a photo,  a meme, or an article. And the person's reaction to it would largely be affected by the way he perceives you. If he likes you, he understands your sarcasm. If he doesn't, he would think your are mocking...and Christians shouldn't mock. Yes, we are fond of pulling-out the "What-Kind-Of-Christian-Does-That" card on people. It is even worse for pastors.

When a girl is raped or murdered, you would read the rage from people. But the angriest ones are the mothers of daughters. Understandably so because she could not imagine what kind of hell she would go through if that happens to her own.

When a fragment of the society suffers a calamity ,or an oppression, people start online revolutions. Rightly so because they need the voice to cry out so the spotlight's be turned on them. For help, for retribution, for the realization that they are a 'fragment that makes the world whole'.

When corruption is blatant in the government we rally our cries on the streets... but more often now, in the world wide web --- the new highway. We let them know we are watching.

No, we don't scroll down. We say our piece. We string our words so they can be deadly enough like a sword. Sometimes wielding them in all directions, hoping for a hit no matter how wide the battle ground. Most times we miss the target. And we end end up wounding a co-worker, a friend, a drinking buddy, a relative...or ourselves.

But we type away with blood on our hands  because we are convinced that we are fighting a worthy cause.

A mother painstakingly goes through the rigors of raising a daughter who will become a teacher, or a son who will someday be an  doctor, and she will not let any pervert steal that away. She makes that known on Facebook.

A conscientious public school teacher, who shows up every morning in a room full of empty minds waiting to be poured upon with hope... but  emptier stomachs with lesser hope of getting filled. He would not allow any selfish politician in the guise of public service to steal away their dreams. He retweets a link on that investigation update.

A promising leader who has climbed from poverty to get an education, uses his education to lift others out of it. He will not allow ignorance to dictate his destiny.. and that of others. He campaigns online.

An advocate for children lives the life of a vagabond. Peddling the cause of the children to whoever will have the courage to make them a priority - a celebrity, a  philanthropist, a diplomat...anyone, and anywhere. She would not allow the children to be victims by the systems their parents have voted for. She massively campaigns on social media.

They are not on the streets. They are in their kitchen, in their desks, in the courtrooms, aboard a plane, doing what they do best --- fighting for someone.And so, when you read what they write online, it is not merely a rant. It is a spillage of frustrations that they could have just walked over, but refused to. Slippery floors are more dangerous.

They write at the risk of being misconstrued because those who can't be heard --- the fisherman who stays all night casting his net, the street-sweeper who  wakes up before dawn, the farmer who bends his back all day --- they too, have children who are swelling up with dreams. We have no right to shut them down and say "stop posting, do something".

If someone's transcribed thoughts are not a threat to the life you choose to live, be kind. His weapon is not aimed at you. Let him fight the battles he picked for himself. Remember, you are not his enemy.

Scroll down.

Even if he unintentionally scrapes your ego.

Scroll down.

You are not the enemy.

Scroll down.

Restful

I did not know I have an ounce of bravery hidden in the corners of my heart until I faced my exams this year with little to no time to study. Turns out, studying while working is only for the brave. But God has been so gracious to me. He sustained me through this year, surprising me many times.

I got to know myself more this year. In the face of pressure, my flaws were magnified. I watched Suits for the first time last night and laughed at the line "Push until it hurts". When buttons were pushed, I ached in many places this year. Notwithstanding, I am now more peaceful, rested and accepting of the process God is bringing me through. 

I anticipated a restful summer with visions of lounging by the beach... or my bed. Alas, reality has been different for me. May is here tomorrow and there is nothing  more to describe the month that went by than productively eventful. So far from what I had imagine. Yet, at the conclusion of this month, I thank the Lord that he ushered me through opportunities to be a good steward of the talents and time he entrusted me. 

Here's me sharing with you my summer. 

Registrar Duties During the Graduation

Was invited to speak at Filamer Christian University again

Was given the opportunity to speak to Young Leaders of JCI

Visited the Gospel Teams

Storyteller during the VBS at Calatrava

Directed the Testimonial Dinner Concert of MFBC's 50th Anniv

Bleed Thankfulness (not to the Universe)

"There is nothing to writing. You just sit in front of a typewriter and bleed." - Ernest Hemingway

Yes. I used to just sit in front of a computer and bleed. Words flowed like water seeking its own level. They came out of my head through my hands like restless birds waiting to be freed. Sometimes, they were shy, like a young love dreading to be found out but also dying to be known. These days though, they seem like treasure hidden deep down that takes too much trouble to unearth. 

I  also read somewhere that writing is like surfing, you wait for the perfect wave and then ride it. I feel a wave coming along today. So, while my laundry dries out on the clothesline, I will write. 

It was thanksgiving in America the other night. Here in the Philippines, it is a church celebration brought to us by the American missionaries who pioneered the Christian churches. While thanksgiving is supposed to be a lifestyle, it is helpful that we have a holiday to actually think of the things we are thankful for. Because, truth is, when we are wallowing either in wealth or worry, gratefulness is the first virtue that goes down the drain. 

With that in mind, I will try to make a short list of what I am thankful for this year. (Hey, the year is ENDING! Where did 2018 go? ) 

1. Thankful for Health. Truly, health is wealth. I know I am not in tip-top shape but I am thankful for the way God has engineered our bodies to heal themselves. I do have health issues. I battled with one the beginning of this year. Most nights my joints and my allergies conspire to make me remember the future of this body – rotten. But, I have always believed in the Proverbs written in the Bible which said, “A merry heart doeth good like medicine” because “the heart is the wellspring of life”. I have not perfected the art of having a ‘merry heart’. But I am trusting God to transform my heart to be always cheerful. 

2. Thankful for Growth. Spiritually, Mentally and Emotionally. I wish I could boast of a prolific spiritual life. What I can only claim is that I am step-by-step working towards growing. It is not a race but a journey towards maturity. Being in the ministry does not help me grow. It even poses a challenge because complacency is the real enemy that I fight with everyday. 

God led me to further my education and that is one of the things I have always been thankful for this year. if you read my previous post, it talked about how I finally embarked on this new journey. For a person living on a-little-above-minimum wage, in a third world country, enrolling in Law school would require a miracle. And that is exactly what is happening to me. Plus, the bulk of studying I have to do while at the same time working, requires a lot of ‘imploring the aid of the almighty God”. 

There are days when my emotions are out of whack. Thank God I can blame it on hormones. Seriously, I am seeing some growth in the way I handle my feelings toward a person or a circumstance. I still have to work on completely eradicating my flawed emotional budget and just love unlovable people completely the way Jesus did. 

3. Thankful for Genuine Relationships. Being with people are the hardest challenge that God had to let me handle. Not because I don’t like them but because loving people require a lot of energy. And I am on the lazy side. There is no such thing as a relationship hack. You have to go through the long and hard process of maintaining relationships. Family is one feat. Friendships are another. Nevertheless, I close my eyes at night knowing I am loved and accepted by those who truly love me and for that I am thankful. 

Let me get this straight. I am not thankful to the universe for letting everything fall into place. I am thankful to the Lord of the Universe, He who created it in an instant by merely speaking it into existence. He holds the entirety of human existence, making sure the heavenly bodies don’t collide – tough job! Yet, at my slightest discomfort, when I have a bruised ego, or I needed my printer to not act up at a crucial time, or that when I needed ice cream on a very very bad day… he slips into my world* to calmly reassure me – he’s got me in the palm of his hands. I am thankful mostly for God’s love. 

Today, my life is not perfectly put into place as I wanted it to be. I still have bruises here and there from the battles I face on a daily basis. I struggle to be compassionate, forgiving and loving. I struggle to be grateful for what I have been given and for the things that are withheld from me. But it turns out, Ernest Hemingway is right. You just sit in front of a typewriter and bleed.

Today, I bleed thankfulness. 

*now, don’t go debating me on the Theological correctness of the phrase ‘slips into my world’ Lol!

Walking on Water (#TheLAWngRoad)

For  Peter to go to where Jesus was, he had to get out of the boat and literally step on the water. He had to stand ON the water to be able to walk on it.*

I have studied and preached on this story of Peter several times already. Each time, a new understanding of faith is unfolded and a deeper knowledge of God is gained.

Stepping out in faith is one of my favourite topics. But not until last year did I realize that I just tested it in calculated proportions. And so, I took a leap out of the boat.

Last year, I was convinced by my friend to take Law classes. This idea had been hovering me for quite sometime already, about eight years in counting. What was stopping me was my financial incapacity, my ministry and my feeling of inadequacy when it comes to the academic demands of the course.

So I brewed the idea in prayer for a year.

I have also known that things don’t just ‘fall into place’. For the Israelites to be able to live in the promised land, they had to keep moving in obedience until they get to the place God prepared for them.

My leap of faith started when I registered to take the PhilSat. It is the national Law School admission exam. From there, God confirmed that this was the way to go when He helped me pass the exam.

Tuition fees are another story. I get a decent salary as a staff of the Bible School but it is clearly not sufficient to send me to school. So, for the past year that I was praying about it, I starting calculating how much I would save each month to set aside for the tuition fees. I also mentally noted down the areas of my spending that I need to cut down, including food, so I can come up with the amount needed to pay for my education.

I took another exam in the university and an interview with the dean before I was accepted in the School of Law. There was no doubt this was God’s plan for me this season of my life. I am entering my seventh year in the ministry and somehow I already mastered, to a certain degree, the routines of the ‘job’. My position as college registrar and our challenges in implementing the Disciplinary sanctions most times need an understanding of the laws of the land. I took this leap, far from my comfort zone, because I have the convinction that God is leading me through this path, in this season. 

On the first day of class, I was floored by how God IS God! I found out that I was granted a scholarship that will cover 75% of my tuition fee. I did not apply for it. I did not even know there was a scholarship grant for Law students. It turned out I ranked 2nd of all the applicants and they give grants to the top 3 of Law school applicants. I cried happy tears. 

I borrowed books. My work schedule is lighter that it was years ago. Another friend was used by God for more provisions. My family helped me set up my living arrangements. One after the other, God confirms that he wants me to walk on this water with Him. 

I happened to talk to different people on separate occasions sharing with me their dreams and plans. I smiled at them and, with more conviction than ever, told them "Step out in faith". 

Yes, calculations and preparations must be made. But, it is that act of faith of taking the first step toward a legitimate dream,  goal,  plan that will introduce you to another chapter of God's grace. 

Peter stepped out of the boat, took a few wobbly steps on the water, sank at the sight of wind and was lifted out of it by the hands of the Master crafter of waves and winds. We will have our own stories of 'walking in faith'. But, none of us will ever feel like what it is to step on water like glass. 

When Jesus calls you to walk with Him on the water, step out of the boat. Yours will be quite a story. 

I'm still tiptoeing. Nevertheless, I am already on the water. 

*Matthew 14:22-33

New Year Emote-icons

My FIRST bathroom selfie (i think) because, why not?!!! Have a  Blessed Year ahead! - Jabez

"2018, please be good to me". Such pleadings are pasted on thousands of Facebook walls the moment the clock struck 12 on January first. They should have made a specific emoticon for New Year Apprehensions.

I have always loved the idea of celebrating the New Year. It is a significant period when we are stopped on our tracks to look back and look forward. Somehow, whether we like it or not, the turning of the year gives us a momentary halt.  To some, it is a chance to evaluate what went wrong, what worked out right. To most, it is a time to draw the line between what was then and what will be. But to many, it is a chance to do things over, better. A reset.

However, life does not always get solved by a reset. Most times, it needs a lot of undoing, untangling and most painfully, deconstructing.

And this the part where the New Year makes me uncomfortable. When the fireworks have turned to ashes, and the feasting have been replaced by acid reflux, you sit in one corner, confronted by the realities that make you uneasy. 

How do you manage your way around work, laundry and a social life without getting broke?

How do you speak your mind, your ideas, your convictions and not have second thoughts about being hated?

How do you submit to your superiors and stand your ground?

How do you hold fast to the laws you keep and let grace trickle from your grip?

How do you start to pursue a goal you have long believed was too high for your reach?

How do you begin to plan for retirement when you are only a few years away from it?

How do you sustain the momentum for things you have started when your body tells you to slow down?
How do you inspire others when you are wrestling with your own idealism?
How do you draw the line between "waiting" and "working on it"?

These and a thousand other questions. Oh, I hate how acid reflux impales me sometimes!

And then, you run through your IG Best Nine and experience a pocket of sunshine. For a moment, you smile at the thought of these nine photos you immortalized in this intangible wall called social media. 2017 was not that bad.

You picked up a healthy habit. Lost 20 lbs and your appetite for Unli-rice.

You met new people and wonder where they have been hiding all these years.

You ventured to learning new skills and polishing the old ones and felt fulfilled.
You have failed at some attempts but your spirit keeps going.

You mastered the art of rest. And saying no.

You have finally come to terms with your weaknesses and let yourself be soaked in God’s grace to overcome them.
You keep noticing how your well of joy never dries up despite seasons of drought.

You have tested the limits of your love…and found yourself unbreakable. Malleable.
You love, yet again, though bent.

Just nine out of the hundreds of moments of joy, of hope, of faith.

It is easy to be distracted by questions and weakened by our fears. There are 365 days ahead of us, not one of which is certain and that is overwhelmingly scary. But, through the years I have learned the art of restedness ---- an act of actively resting in God, His promises and His sovereignty.

The New Year is not necessarily a reset. It is a time to recalibrate our hearts, retool our minds and resume with the original plan God has already set for us. Not without adjustments.

Paul instructs in Ephesians 4:22-24  You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. This exercise of “Putting off” and “Putting on” is tiresome, challenging and definitely not easy. But only when we are no longer entangled in the pursuits of our flesh will we be able to experience the true joy of a life lived in freedom through Christ.

Our weaknesses will only magnify. Our questions will continue to haunt us. Our challenges will continue to mount (laundry, included!). But when we are standing behind the One who has ‘overcome the world’, we can walk into 2018 smiling. There's already and emoticon for that!

A Little Light

We do not undermine the value of a little light when the night is at its darkest. 

And at a time like this in my life, I trace my way back to that little light that kept me alive ten years ago when my heart was broken. Sometimes, you can smell heartbreaks from afar. Other times, they make themselves felt like a mini-earthquake underneath, not damaging but definitely alarming. But most times, they come unexpected. And unwanted. 

And so did mine. 

My convictions and peace crumbled before me like a wafer in a child’s hand. I am out of strength and slowly losing words. They say when you have a problem, all you need to do is to go out and stand under the night sky and you’d realize how small your problems are compared to the vastness of space and how few compared to the multitude of stars. I tried. But I could not even gather the strength to open my eyes. 

So this piece is my attempt to crawl out of this heartbreak. Eyes still closed, heart still bruised. Even with my troubled vision I can see a flicker of light at the end. I am not so sure except that it looks like the same light that lead me out of darkness ten years ago. Light in all forms look the same. And so I hope that this one too would lead me home. One more time.

Light, no matter how little is still light and darkness still gives way to it.

John 1: 4-5 " In him was life,and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."

Tiptoeing ( A New Year Post)

SOURCE

The sun shines like it is new. It seems energetic, like it is giving out warmth for the first time. It is only the 3rd day of 2017 and I am still tiptoeing into the new year, fearful I might trip. 

I am here in my office desk, writing this as I wait for the lunch break. I have so much to look forward to this year. However, I am still somewhat hinged to 2016 that I don’t know where to start. Thus, the tiptoeing.

A very good friend asked me what were my highlights for 2016. I paused for a few seconds to recall. Somehow, qualifying events as ‘highlights’ was a little difficult. I knew exactly why. The past year, I was beat up with work concerns that I hardly had time to pause and thank God for what was happening in my life. Yesterday, I took out my annual prayer notebook and wrote down my thanksgiving for the year. Today, I’m sharing some of them with you.

Highlights of 2016 (Best Twelve)

1. Attending the Global Discipleship Congress 2016 in Manila and hearing Ravi Zacharias speak again. It was a time of refreshing and realigning to God’s purpose in my life.

2.Writing short poems for the whole month of February. Writing used to be a breeze but for the years that went by,  it was a struggle. Maybe for the lack of a muse. Or maybe for sheer laziness. But, for the month of February, I was able to write 14 poems. Exercise is the key. You can read them at A November Miracle.

3. Earning the Masters in Ministry degree. The highlight is not the degree but graduating with my father.

 4. Turning 35 and enjoying the last stretch of single-life. (Why not?) Hahahaha!

5. Training young people to be better leaders. This year, two of my friends and I started a Public Speaking company. We called it The Speaker Crafters. We trained young children not only to speak well but also to become better citizens of this country. 

6. Visiting our students during their Gospel Team deployment. It was an experience that is one for the books. I went to far-flung villages to find out the situation of our student-pastors who were on Summer Internship. I am not an outdoorsy person but the lot fell on me. I was joyful enough to take the challenge. It turned out to be exciting!

7. Making myself available to be God’s mouthpiece in many places and different occasions. God gave me opportunities to speak of His love to people of all ages, in churches, campuses, youth fellowships and even the Police force. I am humbled by this calling. 

8. Studying Introduction to Hebrew. I can now read a little and write a little Hebrew. 

9. Coordinating benefit concerts.  The latest was in December. It was a production that brought me out of my comfort zone. It was only by trusting God that we made it through. Not only am I ecstatic that I am working with world-class performers, I am awed at how they are all-out in serving God. 

10. Being with high school friends is always a yearly highlight. These are the people I grew up with and somehow, being with them makes me forget momentarily the troubles of adult life.

11.Spending time with family. We had spur of the moment reunions and they were all fun!!! 

12. Having a family that accepts me for everything that I am not and holds the hope for everything I can become. 

I started this piece by saying how I am tiptoeing into 2017. Now, having looked back, I can say, there is nothing to fear! God has been faithful and will always be faithful. 

I am reminded of what I read yesterday in Psalm 106. It was a recounting of how the Israelites turned away from God and how, each time, God came to their rescue. But, as the pattern repeats and the plot worsens, verse 44-45 say:

"Nevertheless, he looked upon their distress, when he heard their cry.
For their sake he remembered his covenant,
and relented according to the abundance of his steadfast love."

I know now why the sun shines like it has not seen the troubles of 2016. It was created by a God whose love is persistent, endless,  unceasing. That fact alone steadies my wobbly feet.

Happy New Year! 

To Teachers

I was raised by teachers. My parents were Public school teachers. Manila paper was a staple and the smell of Pentel pen ink was always present in the house. Back in the day, teaching using the computer was unheard of. Chalks were the medium and dustless chalks a luxury.

I am a teacher but admittedly, not a very effective one. As to why, I will explain it in another post. Today, in celebration of World Teachers’ Day, I dedicate this piece to the teachers who made a dent in my life. 

To the teacher who opened my world to the wonder of stories. I looked forward to every Sunday School, paid close attention to how your eyes would grow wide, and most importantly, your nail polish. I copied you at home, lining up my dolls and retelling the stories I heard from you.

To the teacher who taught me to read. It was not the reading I remember the most but how, one surprising day, we cut bananas and papayas in class and made fruit salad. It was the first time I wore an apron.

To the teachers who helped me discover new things. You taught me the word ‘kidnap’ and it was a fear that haunted me daily. You taught me the words ‘noisy pupils’ and I was careful not to be on that list. You taught me the word ‘quiet’ and I had a hard time being one, even until now. But, you also taught me the words assignment, cleaners, and pass your papers. With those I learned that some things have to be done on your own, you need to pick up after yourself, and most importantly, opportunities have deadlines.

To the teachers who gave me time on stage. You helped me conceive a dream I never knew I had until later when the stage became my avenue for influencing others.

To the teacher who made me take over her class when I was 14. You were right. I was going to need that experience to toughen me up six years later when I had to go on Practice Teaching.

To the teachers who made science and math the most important subjects in the world. You made me religious! True enough, algebra, trigonometry, chemistry and physics are nothing compared to the complexity of romantic love. I am glad I was trained in your class to survive!

To the teacher who taught me how to be a homemaker. I can bake, I can sew, I can arrange furniture, I know the color chart, I can make fruit preserves ,I can embroider,  heck, I can even dress a chicken all because you did not accept anything less than perfect from us. As to having a family, I am working on that.

To the teachers who had to deal with our adolescence. Today, as I deal with young people I have one question: How did you maintain your sanity without punching us in the face? *clap clap clap* I have many words but all can be summarized in two: Thank You!

To the teacher who made me fear my English class. You unearthed a wealth of courage I did not know I have.

To the teacher who scribbled notes on my essay. I fell in love with writing because of you. Also, I was slightly in love with you until you left us.

To the teacher who gave me an 80 in a major subject. I.will.never.forget.you. Hahaha!

To the teacher who made me interpret my Dexter’s Laboratory comics in class. I discovered my humor because of that experience.

To the teachers who instilled the love of country to us. I am fighting because of you. I will not be quiet because of you.

To the teachers who showed me the bridge between Theology and Practice. I am having a swell time because your lives are living examples.

Lastly, to my in-house teachers who until today check my attendance, give me occasional lectures on matters I usually evade, and evaluate my performance in life, thank you. You were our first teachers and will continue to be after every one is finished with us. Thousands of unruly, hard-headed pupils came and went out of your classrooms but, bad news, we’re staying! Sorry parents, you can’t get rid of us. Haha! After years of leaving the service, here you are still teaching us tirelessly about life and the one true God we serve. I guess, when you are a parent, you never retire from teaching.

I was raised by teachers. I hope that in this generation, I can also raise some. With everything that is happening in the country and around the world, I fear for this generation. The world is full of monsters ready to pounce at these young people. Therefore, I have committed to fight for them and with them. And education is my weapon of choice.

I am a warrior. I teach. 

Back in the days when my ideas of entertainment were cutting my bangs, and letting my Grade 2 students interpret the skit "The Cat and Dog" on their own. They made their own costumes and did their own make up.

These kids are in college now and I, well, am tempted to cut my bangs again.Hahaha!