I just came back from a week-long preaching engagement. It
is a miracle I have even managed to write. My body is weak, as of the moment,
suffering from Acid reflux – the kind where you can not eat but you have to
eat. I think it is my body demanding some rest. Or maybe it is my mind that
needs to. Whichever it is, I will not let that stop me from writing about this.
I have never realized the depth and width of a Christian
university's ministry until I had this opportunity to speak at Central
Philippine University last week for their semestral Christ Emphasis Week. I was
invited to speak to the high school students of the university for five days.
It was daunting to face 1500 young people, full of energy and all with
different backgrounds. It was only by the grace of God that I was able to go up
on stage, speak the word and invite them to commit their lives to God.
But 1500 is nothing compared to the 10 thousand plus college
students the university has, and all these
heard the Gospel all week. And this happens every semester. Imagine, if each college student stayed in the university for 8 semesters, that’s
8 chances of telling them the Good news! Not to mention the many campus
ministries who are also doing their best wining the students for Christ! Kudos to Rev. Cris Amorsolo Sian , Rev. Francis Neil Jalando-on and the pastors in the Chaplain's Office for putting their heart, mind and body into this, making sure the Gospel will not be delivered unsatisfactorily.
I am glad CPU is still going against the tide. These days when it is even difficult to call yourself a Christian School, CPU is standing up, bearing strong the legacy of the missionaries who started it 110 years ago! May God protect the hearts of its leaders. It is my prayer that It will continue to put Christ central to its objectives.
Isaiah 55:11 "so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it."
I heard myself ask this question a few times over for about three months now. I felt that I was in dire need of refreshing. No, I was not bent from work – just a little chipped maybe. Normal, I guess. I was not going through an emotional problem. I read my bible. I prayed. These were the things I told myself that were NOT the reasons why I needed to get away.
Or maybe, these were the reasons why I needed a break. Because everything was normal on the outside but inside, things were a little messy. We know the mess we keep inside. I ‘try’ to keep the office table tidy by dumping all the things inside the drawer. The table looks clean but the drawers are another story. This was how I felt these months.
I tried to read the Bible everyday for fear that if I don’t , I’d fall off completely. I walked the way of wisdom but during the day I find myself making some foolish decisions or spilling ungodly talk. It was terrifying to go to bed at night and realize how horrible I lived the day.
I marched through a ceremony, bowing my head not much as a sign of commitment but in shame for how unworthy I am to say yes to a task for the chosen. Me, chosen?
Most times, I felt God was a little far. No, not that He was. I FELT He was. It was a foreign feeling. I justified it by saying maybe this is how I should always feel so that I would always seek Him. I told myself maybe this is what they mean when they say have a “hunger for God”. But it wasn’t.
I figured, a personal retreat would cure it. A special time of meditation, a special revelation and a dramatic visitation would be the turning point for this.
Until this morning.
My unexcited self went to church (thanks to also being sick for days) unaware that what I was longing for will be answered. My pastor talked about Jesus being alive in our lives. She talked about how, in our daily living we say we believe Christ is alive but live as though He isn’t. It was the prelude to how God revealed to me the truth about everything I've been going through.
Then we sang “He Lives”. And all that has kept me chained came loose.
I serve a risen Saviour, He's in the world today; I know that He is living, Whatever men may say; I see His hand of mercy, I hear His voice of cheer, And just the time I need Him He's always near.
Chorus:
He lives, He lives, Christ Jesus lives today! He walks with me and He talks with me Along life's narrow way. He lives, He live, salvation to impart! You ask me how I know He lives: He lives within my heart.
In all the world around me I see His loving care, And tho my heart grows weary I never will despair; I know that He is leading Thro' all the stormy blast, The day of His appearing Will come at last.
Rejoice, rejoice, O Christian, Lift up your voice and sing Eternal hallelujahs To Jesus Christ the King! The hope of all who seek Him, The help of all who find, None other is so loving, So good and kind.
I saw what was wrong with me. I did not remember that Jesus, this God I believe in, is living in me. So,I desperately looked for him elsewhere. I was like one of those women during the resurrection morning “looking for Jesus among the dead”.
I looked for him in the songs I sang. I looked for him in the feeling of accomplishment at having read my bible. I looked for him in my ritualistic service. I looked for Him in my theology. There, I fooled myself into believing that I can look for him. I. As if my eyes were clear enough to see Him.
But there He was, having not left at all, loving me through my pride, arrogance, my constant defeat against my flesh, my anger and my unforgiveness just to name the ‘majors’. Believe me, people who are in the 'ministry' have a longer list.
I forgot that He was walking with me “along the narrow way” as the song says. I always thought that this refers to some problem or devastation but today, I realized THIS IS MY NARROW WAY! And what comfort it is to know that I don’t have to keep walking to find Him. He’s here!
I forgot that He took the long and dusty road from heaven to earth to find me. Me, the lost one.
And all this time, I made myself believe it was I that should look for him. He's here!
I forgot that He bore to be forsaken by the Father so he can win over death. Win over any form of death anyone can imagine so we don't have to keep looking for him like sorrowful lovers. He's here!
I do not boast of a steady spiritual life nor a strong one. But one thing I boast of is this, that the Christ I believe in has conquered death and lives every day to bring life to me.
I may need a break, but no longer to 'find' God. He's here!
November breezed through. We are in the Christmas season. "Time flies" is cliche but there is no better way to describe what it does than exactly that - it flies!
I just finished reading a blog post by Dr. Everett Piper, President of the Oklahoma Wesleyan University. He wrote about how we have taught this generation to be self-centered and narcissistic. It was brought about by an incident where a student went to him and complained after a chapel service that he felt 'victimized' by the sermon on 1 Corinthians 13 by making him feel guilty that he does not love enough according to the terms in the Bible. Piper went on to say that this :
If you’re more interested in playing the “hater” card than you are in confessing your own hate; if you want to arrogantly lecture, rather than humbly learn; if you don’t want to feel guilt in your soul when you are guilty of sin; if you want to be enabled rather than confronted, there are many universities across the land (in Missouri and elsewhere) that will give you exactly what you want, but Oklahoma Wesleyan isn’t one of them.
He then concluded with the statement : This is not a Day Care, this is a University!
I share his sentiments because I am working in a Bible College. We train young people who answered the call of God for full-time ministry service. It seems like a noble place to work in. A cause that is a major player in the Kingdom Agenda. But 4 years into the job, I am slowly coming to terms with what Jesus really meant when he said "take up your cross and follow me".
We try to help the students maximize the learning experience by enclosing them within a set of rules.In my opinion, boundaries help us discipline ourselves. And so, these boundaries were set so they can stick to their goal and grow while keeping at it. But this is where the struggle comes. Obedience is not man's impulse, sin is.
When some students are reprimanded for their obvious violation of rules, there's usually a retaliation. Because for them, their judgement was right. And no matter how logically you present things, they will always see you as the adversary and will feed on self-pity and anger against the implementors of the rules. And this is the hard part - no amount of reason can win them. Only genuine love.
Man's impulse is not love, sin is. And puttting love to work the way Jesus did, is difficult. It is during these times that I tell myself "when Jesus said, 'take up your cross and follow me' he wasn't exaggerating!!!" This, here, most times feels like a trip to Calvary.
Giving up is the easiest option. Or apathy. But both will not let me taste the sweet fruits of victory when these young people are transformed into what God has called them to be. I, too, will be transformed.
Everyday, I wish I could say what Dr. Piper has said. But following Christ has a taller demand.
And so I wait, and I work, and in the meantime, put Love into action until love becomes my compulsion.
My High School best friend was married last Monday to his girlfriend of many years. It was something he had long planned for. It went beautifully, I gathered. Yes, I did not make it to the wedding. Long story.
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There are things in our lives that pushes us to get out of our own puddles and walk on dry ground. "Get up and Grow up", I once wrote. Growing older must mean growing wiser. Imperative. It is an odd sight to see people who are well in years whine about irrational things like a two-year-old boy who was not allowed to fly a kite in the rain.
I do not say that I have never ever acted irrationally. I have. Many times, I have allowed feelings to make decisions for me. I ended up either apoligizing to the person I have hurt or lose them completely. It is terrible.
But what is worse is my tendency to be apathetic about a situation or toward a person for fear of making emotionally-driven decisions. I mistake apathy for rationality. And the results are equally terrible. I still lose people.
Adult life is tricky. You stature demands an equal level of maturity of which we lack most times. It is frustrating to deal with immature people. More frustrating when it is your own immaturity you are dealing with.
Lately, I watched a movie with my friend that we found unsatisfactory - the plot, the acting - everything! And I endlessly expressed my disgust about this movie to anyone I was in conversation with. A few days after, I prayed and asked God for one thing: that He would help me manage the intensity of my expressions of disgust about things and people. Mature people dont spill their comments anywhere where it is not needed.
So what is the middle ground for irrationality and apathy? Grace. Grace. Grace.
The other person's incompetence may irritate you, but you don't count it against him. He does not deserve another mile of your patience (because, hello! You have repeated the instruction a thousand times!) but you stretch it anyway. Grace.
You're at a restaurant and ordered the food they can serve the fastest (15 mins) because you are famished. 20 mins goes by. You call for the waiter. He comes back and asks apologetically if you could wait for another 10 mins as your order was not forwarded to the kitchen. You are now unbelievable HANGRY (hungry +angry). You position yourself to deliver your Customer Rights monologue but you stop you take out your phone instead and type out a status message on facebook that will obviously bash this establishment. But you delete it. You ask for another glass of water and just make a mental note to not go there again when you are hungry. Grace.
You're waiting for a phone call. He said he would call after this 2-hour meeting. By the time you turn-on your night light, your phone rings. And you pull out that mental drawer where you kept the essay you composed in your mind as to how abandoned he makes you feel. Maybe this is not working for you. Maybe you are not meant to be together. But you quietly listen to how his day went and you lovingly tell him how frustrated you felt without putting the blame on his one-track male mind. You forget about your fiery essay. Grace.
Or he calls and you are determined to not talk to him again. Maybe ending it this way is better. No exchange of words. But you pick up the phone anyway and say hi. Grace.
It is not losing your cool over something nor it is losing interest over it.
Many times I find myself being completely out of reason. I do things I shouldn't. I hurt people I thought I couldn't. And oh, the scandals I make in the face of God! But, God has never lost His composure in my presence. He has never banged the door on me. He has never let out an essay of how wicked, wretched, and beyond repair I am. Instead, he delivers sunshine at the doorstep everyday, inviting me to breakfast. Grace.
Truth is, God did lose his cool - in that workshop by the hill when he nailed his anger on the One who did not deserve it. Grace for me. Grace for you and me!
Grace is indicative of Maturity. There is a deeper truth to the term "Growing Old Gracefully". It is more than just embracing adulthood with a positive attitude. It is maximizing the moments of your life by not being weighed-down by the people who wear you out.
That's the kind of life you want right? Grace ushers you to live it. It is up to you to give it.
Last Saturday, my friend Emmy of A Beautiful Life invited me to be the guest in the first episode of her podcast series. We talked about the struggles and delights of being over thirty and still single. Aptly, it was titled that - "Over Thirty and Still Single". I have not talked about that topic in this blog although in my Poetry blog, A November Miracle, most poems are drawn out from my experiences as a single adult. Mostly, my romantic experiences..or the lack thereof.
A few years back, I ranted often about my single status. I usually talked about it in a comedic way. The only people who did not find it funny were my relatives, my mother most especially. Looking back, I had the constant urge to tell the world I am single. For advertisement maybe(Hahaha!), or plainly, I just wanted people to have something to laugh about. Thanks to Timehop, I am reminded everyday of the things I said and am embarrassed about them.
For a while, I tried to evade the issue of singleness. When people ask why I am single, I usually tell them "Nobody wants to marry me!" And then laugh. It was funny. Until, it became my default answer...and it wasn't funny anymore.
When your timeline is filled with babies and your calendar with weddings, being single is no longer funny. It takes the fun out of funny. When you are asked a million times why you aren't married, coached hundred times how to get a guy, and subjected countless times to matchmaking (which by the way you try very much to politely decline), being single is no longer fun.
Jealousy. Envy. Pride. Self-absorption. Arrogance. Bitterness. They all start to form a bedrock for you to fall on. It was very tempting and easy to pick a person, or a circumstance to take the blame for my single sorry state. But, it was not the route I was willing to take. And so, I sought the Lord how to graciously navigate through this life of singleness without draining the life out of me.
The solution? Joy. Not happiness. Not positivity. Not a ton of activities to take up my time. Not the constant urge to look like a head-turner.
Joy. That peace that tells you you don't have to run after your biological clock. That peace that tells you "this, right here is your best spot". That peace that tells you married life is something to look forward to but singleness is, as of the moment something for you to enjoy. That peace that tells you not everyone's love story is the same. That peace that tells you you are at the center of God's will. That for me is joy.
It is a daily battle to fight for joy. Tucked beside my door is a note that says "Choose Joy" so I can read it to myself before I leave the room. There are many things I struggle with everyday and being single is the least of them. In fact, being single, in many ways have become an advantage in the light of the other things I struggle with.
Joy is a personal matter. It is not tied to anyone. It is not tied to any circumstance. It is the evidence of God in you, a fruit of the Spirit.
Lately, singleness is not longer an 'issue' I need to evade. It is where I am. And I am joyful about it.
No, I have not been on hiatus. I have been inconsistent in
updating this blog.
I still desire to finish that #35weekslist blog. I will
continue next week. Meanwhile, let me share my recent ‘pick-me-upper’: Baking!
Yes! Believe it or not, I know how to bake. Haha! I learned
baking in High school. It was part of our Home Economics class and one could
never graduate without learning how to bake a cake and decorate it. I still have the index card recipes that our teacher
told us to copy and keep.
Last summer, my cousin gave me her unused electric oven.
Just in time, the mango season came and the overflow of mangoes perked up my
creativity. So I made mango jams to preserve them and baked mango muffins and
pie tarts just so we wont have to throw out overriped mangoes. That rekindled my love affair with baking. I discovered, it relaxes me and
gives me a sense of satisfaction when I hit the bed at night feeling very tired
from it. It is also a joy watching people eat the sweets.
Homemade Mango Jams
Mango and Chocolate Chip muffins
Chocolate Chip and Oatmeal Cookies
Carrot Cake. I am glad I tried baking it. Carrot cake is my favorite cake :D
One of my favorite bible stories is that of the widow of
Zarephath who fed Elijah during the time of famine.When Elijah came and asked
if she could bake him some bread, this
is what she said:
“As surely as the Lord your God lives,” she
replied, “I don’t have any bread—only a handful of flour in a jar and a little
olive oil in a jug. I am gathering a few sticks to take home and make a
meal for myself and my son, that we may eat it—and die.” 1 kings 17:12
But she did anyway. And we know what happened next. The flour
never ran out and the oil kept on pouring.
I love this story not only because the story book showed a
picture of a woman kneading flour to make bread, but also because it tells us
of the joy and blessing of obedience.
I count it a privilege to meet the need of a man of God. The
rewards are endless.
On Easter Sunday, while the sun was slowly retiring, my friends Peter and Kay were married in a small chapel in Cadiz City. It was a beautiful afternoon. Friends and family gathered to celebrate their union, one that was written by God, as evidenced by their lovestory.
Kay and Peter grew up in the same small city, went to the same church, made many common friends but fell in love only later in life. Born a few years apart from each other, Peter being the senior, they developed different interests that amazingly makes them perfect for each other. Like how Kay had always wanted a ranch-like wedding - laid back, raw and cozy, and Peter, long before falling in love with Kay, has planted so many trees, a necessity in this country-themed wedding. Those trees are what they cut off to enclose a clearing that made the venue look like a barn. Perfect! That, and many more, they just go well together, bringing out the best in each other.
So, here are a few pictures from that wedding. Pinterest-worthy, I must say!
The very beautiful bride, Kristine Anne Yee
The Wedding Ceremony at the Chapel
The equally beautiful Maid of Honor, Kathrine Rose Yee This amazing lady conceptualized the Dessert Table and made all the desserts.
Cocktails ala Country
The Bride's Maids and Matron
Oh, the unmatched Dessert Buffet!
The tiered cake was made by the bride's sister Mae Anne, of Cakes4You
The Bridesmaids. Photo by the bride's brother in law, Josiah of Team Fotograpia
With my Sisters Jemima and Jezrel
My sister, together with Coleen was the WEdding Singer.
With Pastors who are also my classmates in the Masteral class
Centerpiece
What's a country wedding without apple pies? Yum!
The backdrop at night
Party!
And here's the Wedding Video snippet
This video was also shot and made by our church friend Rene Kristian.
A DIY Wedding is really a labor of love. It is tedious, and sometimes frustrating, but it is a testament to how much the couple is loved by people around them. I wrote on my facebook page that when Artistry is fueld by Love, expect a masterpiece. This wedding is a masterpiece. Indeed, True love brings out the beauty in everything.
Congratulations, Peter and Kay! Keep love alive!
1 Corinthians 13: 4-13
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails."
Note: Photos were grabbed with permission from Aisa Alladin, Ian Karos, Jezrel Oberes and Josiah Caare
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