I do not say that I have never ever acted irrationally. I have. Many times, I have allowed feelings to make decisions for me. I ended up either apoligizing to the person I have hurt or lose them completely. It is terrible.
But what is worse is my tendency to be apathetic about a situation or toward a person for fear of making emotionally-driven decisions. I mistake apathy for rationality. And the results are equally terrible. I still lose people.
Adult life is tricky. You stature demands an equal level of maturity of which we lack most times. It is frustrating to deal with immature people. More frustrating when it is your own immaturity you are dealing with.
Lately, I watched a movie with my friend that we found unsatisfactory - the plot, the acting - everything! And I endlessly expressed my disgust about this movie to anyone I was in conversation with. A few days after, I prayed and asked God for one thing: that He would help me manage the intensity of my expressions of disgust about things and people. Mature people dont spill their comments anywhere where it is not needed.
So what is the middle ground for irrationality and apathy? Grace. Grace. Grace.
The other person's incompetence may irritate you, but you don't count it against him. He does not deserve another mile of your patience (because, hello! You have repeated the instruction a thousand times!) but you stretch it anyway. Grace.
You're at a restaurant and ordered the food they can serve the fastest (15 mins) because you are famished. 20 mins goes by. You call for the waiter. He comes back and asks apologetically if you could wait for another 10 mins as your order was not forwarded to the kitchen. You are now unbelievable HANGRY (hungry +angry). You position yourself to deliver your Customer Rights monologue but you stop you take out your phone instead and type out a status message on facebook that will obviously bash this establishment. But you delete it. You ask for another glass of water and just make a mental note to not go there again when you are hungry. Grace.
You're waiting for a phone call. He said he would call after this 2-hour meeting. By the time you turn-on your night light, your phone rings. And you pull out that mental drawer where you kept the essay you composed in your mind as to how abandoned he makes you feel. Maybe this is not working for you. Maybe you are not meant to be together. But you quietly listen to how his day went and you lovingly tell him how frustrated you felt without putting the blame on his one-track male mind. You forget about your fiery essay. Grace.
Or he calls and you are determined to not talk to him again. Maybe ending it this way is better. No exchange of words. But you pick up the phone anyway and say hi. Grace.
It is not losing your cool over something nor it is losing interest over it.
Many times I find myself being completely out of reason. I do things I shouldn't. I hurt people I thought I couldn't. And oh, the scandals I make in the face of God! But, God has never lost His composure in my presence. He has never banged the door on me. He has never let out an essay of how wicked, wretched, and beyond repair I am. Instead, he delivers sunshine at the doorstep everyday, inviting me to breakfast. Grace.
Truth is, God did lose his cool - in that workshop by the hill when he nailed his anger on the One who did not deserve it. Grace for me. Grace for you and me!
Grace is indicative of Maturity. There is a deeper truth to the term "Growing Old Gracefully". It is more than just embracing adulthood with a positive attitude. It is maximizing the moments of your life by not being weighed-down by the people who wear you out.
That's the kind of life you want right? Grace ushers you to live it. It is up to you to give it.
I don't want to miss anymore weddings of the people I treasure most. I decide to let people enjoy the Grace I enjoy.