Wednesday, September 22, 2010

What I Know Now

"Recently, I have this inner tugging to be somewhere. Where? I dont know. I just know some hungry land is calling me. A land where my footprints are pre-etched. It may be the next town, or the neighboring island, or continents afar - I don't know. I just know I am called somewhere." - July 1, 2009, Venus Speaks


I know NOW that that 'land' is Burkina Faso. Or at least, the first of those lands if God has other plans for me. It was not an easy process. Finding it out entailed a lot of thinking over, of praying and well, wrestling with God. But hey, whoever wins a fight with God? So I let God be God and said "I'll go". In the future blogging days, I'll be adding more to that story of "how and when I said yes".

I know NOW that believing you're doing God a favor by saying 'yes' to missions is a misunderstanding. I used to touch my 'halo' whenever I tell people I committed to be a missionary. But thank God, I didn't continue misinformed. Haha! God revealed to me through His word and through many humbling experiences that really, THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME...that I can never do it without Him, and that He is the one doing me a  favor. You see, God could bless a 'nation' without my help or anyone's. But when He called me into this, He chose to bless people through me. That's the same promise He made to Abraham in Genesis 12:3 "...and people will be blessed through you."

The preserved magazine cut-out notebook cover
I know NOW that a tiny tugging could be a signal of something big. Your desires mean something. You have to check which side of the pendulum your desires swing you to. Your education, life experiences, the people you meet - they all make up the complete plan God has for you. In college, I cut-out a magazine picture of an African woman in colorful clothing. I don't know why I never forget that it fascinated me. I also have a cut-out picture of an African herdsman carrying a stringed instrument and a staff. I used it to cover my college notebook (back then when covering notebooks with some photos were cool..hehe). Then I met some African friends online through my poetry blog. Something about them draws me. I know NOW that it is part of THE Plan.

I know NOW that just when you think God makes your life beautiful, He starts to make it even more beautiful. And it is not because He gives you things or people (*wink*). It is because He ushers you into His secret places where He reveals Himself. And you get to see Him up close...and personal. And then you want to cry and dance and tell the whole world what you know about Him but then... your mouth opens dry...because words fall short. And you ponder in silence the God you saw and quietly pray that the world may see Him too.

What I know NOW, I didn't know before.

What do you know NOW? Are you excited about what you DON'T know yet?



*Note: Venus Speaks is my poetry blog.

4 comments:

  1. I haven't read your words in a while, Jabez, but I'm glad I came here. Thank you for your gentle reminder that God doesn't need us to accomplish His divine plan; if He chooses to use us it is we who are blessed.

    It can be hard to figure out if a small tugging is just that or the start of something bigger though.

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  2. This post is so inspiring. It's never really about us but about Him. God bless you as you allow Him lead you.

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  3. few years ago, i remember us talking about how crazy your life is and that you need a direction.

    Now, I'm glad that you found it. Bless and be blessed!

    Just remember to let God lead you all the way through...

    =Mike

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