I am single. I choose Joy.

Last Saturday, my friend Emmy of A Beautiful Life invited me to be the guest in the first episode of her podcast series. We talked about the struggles and delights of being over thirty and still single. Aptly, it was titled that - "Over Thirty and Still Single". I have not talked about that topic in this blog although in my Poetry blog, A November Miracle, most poems are drawn out from my experiences as a single adult. Mostly, my romantic experiences..or the lack thereof.

A few years back, I ranted often about my single status. I usually talked about it in a comedic way. The only people who did not find it funny were my relatives, my mother most especially. Looking back, I had the constant urge to tell the world I am single. For advertisement maybe(Hahaha!), or plainly, I just wanted people to have something to laugh about. Thanks to Timehop, I am reminded everyday of the things I said and am embarrassed about them.

For a while, I tried to evade the issue of singleness. When people ask why I am single, I usually tell them "Nobody wants to marry me!" And then laugh. It was funny. Until, it became my default answer...and it wasn't funny anymore.

When your timeline is filled with babies and your calendar with weddings, being single is no longer funny. It takes the fun out of funny. When you are asked a million times why you aren't married, coached hundred times how to get a guy, and subjected countless times to matchmaking (which by the way you try very much to politely decline), being single is no longer fun.

Jealousy. Envy. Pride. Self-absorption. Arrogance. Bitterness. They all start to form a bedrock for you to fall on. It was very tempting and easy to pick a person, or a circumstance to take the blame for my single sorry state. But, it was not the route I was willing to take. And so, I sought the Lord how to graciously navigate through this life of singleness without draining the life out of me.

The solution? Joy. Not happiness. Not positivity. Not a ton of activities to take up my time. Not the constant urge to look like a head-turner.

Joy. That peace that tells you you don't have to run after your biological clock. That peace that tells you "this, right here is your best spot". That peace that tells you married life is something to look forward to but singleness is, as of the moment something for you to enjoy. That peace that tells you not everyone's love story is the same. That peace that tells you you are at the center of God's will. That for me is joy.

It is a daily battle to fight for joy. Tucked beside my door is a note that says "Choose Joy" so I can read it to myself before I leave the room. There are many things I struggle with everyday and being single is the least of them. In fact, being single, in many ways have become an advantage in the light of the other things I struggle with.

Joy is a personal matter. It is not tied to anyone. It is not tied to any circumstance. It is the evidence of God in you, a fruit of the Spirit.

Lately, singleness is not longer an 'issue' I need to evade. It is where I am. And I am joyful about it.